This is week 2 in the dating series. To catch up read

Intro Part 1 and Part 2

Dating is emotional: You’ve cried, laughed, and everything else in between. Dating brings up a lot of emotions and we carry a lot of emotions when we go into dating because we are broken, wounded people with fragile hearts that have been broken by someone in the past.

Dating is fueled by emotions which is probably why you started dating in the first place. You were interested in someone and they were interested in you, or some cases you had to win them over, but one thing led to another and you were dating. Emotions are good because it can drive us, but emotions can also lead us down a dangerous road.

When we start dating someone we carry baggage, baggage can be good but can also be very destructive if shared in the wrong situation. Our baggage is our journey through life that we carry with us. Eventually when married, that baggage is going to be shared and carried by someone else. So until that point, how do you handle emotions in dating?

Building emotional intimacy is something that shouldn’t happen overnight. As a couple who is dating your goal is ultimately marriage; if its not, you should ask yourself why you are dating in the first place. If you tell the person you are dating all of your deepest secrets when you first begin to date, things might go sideways quickly. Sharing those things with someone you are only dating can be harmful to you and the person who is hearing them. There are some things in our lives that don’t need to be shared with others. When you decide you want to pursue marriage with this person, this is the time to be totally honest with them.

Now, don’t hear me saying that you should lie to your boyfriend/girlfriend. I am saying there are things that should be avoided and not shared. You are dating, not married. Intimacy is for marriage, meaning emotional intimacy is saved for marriage. There are a number of discussions and talks that should be saved in dating for a later time, or in a more appropriate relationship. One of these areas is sex and sexual history; we will get to this in a later post.

You are trying to protect your heart and the other person’s heart. If you are dating and decide the relationship is not going to lead to marriage, you are left with a broken heart and the other person knows all your deepest, darkest secrets. You are now left with more emotional baggage and the cycle continues.

I think the main idea here is to protect your heart. It sounds easy, but in practice it is very difficult because emotions get tied up in our hearts. If you are protecting your heart, you are respecting yourself and the other person.

If you are able to protect your heart along with their heart and you are wanting to take care of your boyfriend/girlfriend, then date away! If you find yourself missing one of the these two things then you might want to put dating on hold.

One of the things we have looked at in dating is “oneness.” Since you are not one, what do you do with those emotions? Maybe we can call it togetherness instead of oneness while dating? When two people are not one then their emotions are not one. I remember talking to one of my recently married friends and we were talking about the emotional aspect of dating and she said “It’s weird knowing I don’t have to hold back my emotions anymore now that I’m married.” Kudos to my friend who understood that not all emotions are to be shared but sees that once oneness has been reached, emotional sharing is ok. Often times I feel that dating becomes too emotional and boundaries are crossed; things are shared that probably shouldn’t have been shared, which leaves people hurt.

Stay tuned at the end of this week for the guest post!