To get caught up on this weeks topic read Part 1 and Part 2

3 Things I have learned while being single.

I realize that my generation resists anything that is “3 steps to ________.”  It seems too “packaged” or “consumeristic.”  My apologies.

In thinking about some of the things I have learned while being single, I came up with some and wrote them down.

This created a list.

That list happened to consist of three things.

Are you seeing the natural progression?

Next time I will let my post be more “organic” and “holistic.” Then we can dialogue.

But back to my list…

1) Work at being content, even when you don’t feel it.

If I’m not content in my singleness I probably won’t be content in marriage.

My mother has taught me this and it makes sense.  It’s easy to idealize the things we don’t have or the seasons we aren’t living in.  We look at Facebook and think, “Wow, that person’s life is so much cooler than mine.”

In that moment we have a choice.  We can either let discontent breed in us, or we can be realistic about the situation at hand. I.e. they aren’t posting the photos of the two hours their baby spent in a blood curdling scream.  Or the status update doesn’t read, “Joy Eggerichs is spending Friday night crying in the fetal position.”

Okay, maybe once.

I remember hearing about a woman who had just gotten married and was freaking out about not being able to leave an event when she wanted. The patterns and personality we develop in our singleness won’t go away when we get hitched.

Walking home that day I expressed gratitude to God for the freedom I had in my singleness, but that should marriage come, I would remember the feeling of yet again going home and still not having anyone to hug me.

That day I chose to strive for contentment, no matter the season.

2) Focus on who you are becoming and learn to give some grace.

So often we are “looking” for the right person and yet my father always reminds me that it’s more important that I “be” the right person.  I don’t think he means striving for perfection as much as he means a shift in focus.

Have you ever written or made a mental list of what you want in a person?

I have. Multiple times.  It’s in a diamond encrusted silver frame. So what?

This can be a healthy reference point.  Especially when you think you’re in love with the girl from the Verizon stand in the middle of the mall because she gave you a discount on your Droid. It may feel like love, but it’s not.

However, I think it’s more important to have a checklist for our own life.  Are we living a higher standard? Are we treating people, our God, and our body in a way that is honoring?  If we can’t say that for ourselves, it seems a bit hypocritical to expect to find someone that makes our list.

We need extend “checklist” grace to one another.

3) Is God a good God?

There is this whole trend of being angry at God. Especially when it comes to anything we are disappointed about, i.e. relationships. When relationships are hard or completely lacking, I sense our generation feels like it’s most authentic to be angry at God.

I believe it’s 110% okay to bring our anger to God. But we must not let that manifest itself into sin because it gives the Devil a foothold (Eph 4:26-27) .

“Oh Joy, you sound so silly when you talk about the Devil.”

Yes, I feel silly, but I believe it’s true.  Josh White, a pastor in Portland, said recently (in my own words) that if we don’t acknowledge the brokenness and darkness of this world, then when something goes wrong, all we will have left to blame is God.

I see this happening far too often.  We get angry at God in our singleness when we desire to be married, or when our friends are having babies or when we realize we are never hugged, or when we wonder who we will grow old with, or whose shoulder we will cry on.

For me, having to answer if God is good affects how I live and react in my singleness.

Question: What lists have you made while being single?

You can find out more about Joy after watching this short video and visit here website at http://www.joyeggerichs.com/

Check back this Monday as we conclude the dating series.