Spiritual Intimacy is the deepest form of intimacy.  Though, if someone asked you, you’d probably say physical intimacy was deeper.  Because lets be honest, most people, if you ask them why they are with their significant other won’t say “They walked into the room and I was left breathless at the sight of their beautifully rounded… spirituality”.   But we have to remember that sexual intimacy one of the most intense spiritual acts… since God designed physical attraction and sexual intimacy for the uniting of two people into one to populate the Earth and to model His love for us.

We can become more intimate by doing activities together or through physical touch and sexual acts.  We become more intimate by investing emotionally as we talk and laugh and share the ups and downs of live with someone.  Spiritual intimacy takes everything a step further because spiritual intimacy is tied up in both the emotional/psychological and the physical.  Being together and vulnerable in the presence of God causes a unique bond that is unlike anything else we will ever experience.  This is how God designed things.  He designed our relationships to function best and deepest when He is at the center.

This causes some issues when we’re in the dating arena.  We want to put our best foot forward and show that we are godly men and women.  We want to honor Him by keeping Him central to our relationship.  But how do I keep God at the center of our relationship while ensuring we keep healthy boundaries in place?  I wish it was as simple as opening to a Bible verse that outlined exactly where to draw the line in all areas of dating.  Sadly, there isn’t a verse that says such a thing.

I think the key with every avenue to dating is other people.  The biggest danger in any relationship is that we isolate ourselves.  We spend a lot of time alone together doing things “just the two of us”.  Intimacy brings with it the rose-colored glassed and an inability to be objective.  We justify wrong moves and motives because we’re caught up in the romance.  The best thing we can do is invite other people into our relationship.  It’s when we spend time with our friends and are open about our relationship that we are most likely to have the best boundaries.  Other people who are more objective can watch our interactions and comment on “you’re spending a lot of time alone”… “you’ve gotten very physical”… “you guys have become very dependent on each other spiritually”… it’s those voices we need to have around us to prevent us from jumping in too deep.

I will say though, I’d rather see people spending too much time together spiritually than being very emotionally vulnerable or crossing physical boundaries.  It’s the interesting thing about spiritual intimacy… while it’s the one that draws you closest, it’s also the safest realm to be.  If I was going to make a mistake in one of those areas, I’d rather have spent too much time praying together than anything else!

I’ll repeat what I said at the start… when it comes to spiritual intimacy, our emotions and physical state are right there with it.  Being alone in God’s presence heightens our emotions and our physical state.  We have to be careful.  A guy who is in love with God is looking for a girl who is in love with God.  And so if we jump in knees first and spend a lot of time praying, worshipping and dreaming about God’s plan together, we’re bringing each other to a heightened emotional state… sadly… often falsely!  Because in dating we’re usually putting our best foot forward and so our endeavor to put our best foot forward instead tricks her into holding us up in place of Jesus.  And that’s somewhere we don’t want to be.

So when it comes to dating… pursue God alone before you pursue Him together!  The best thing you can do is focus on your own spiritual growth and development.  Live the life He calls us to live and allow him/her to witness that in your daily life before you go jumping into the closet together to pray about the direction of your relationship.  Both of you spend time praying about it alone and with friends (that in itself causes a greater level of intimacy without having to add hearing the words coming out the other person’s mouth).  Keep your friends involved and demonstrate the kind of spouse you’ll be by the way you love and serve them!  Check your heart regularly to make sure the object of your affection doesn’t take the place of the Object of your Affection  And when those precious moments arise when you can be alone in His presence together… they’ll be all the sweeter.

Scott Burns is married to Monica and they are waiting to travel to Scotland to serve with RE:hope church. Scotty has been a friend and a great guy to get advice from. I admire how he walks with the Lord and pours into others. You can follow all things scotty on his blog